My Snarky Valentine
by Acherona
Summary: Over amorous football-captains, possessive bastards, work incidents and glitter lube…Just a normal Valentine’s Day for Sasuke and Naruto.


**Disclaimer** – I don't own Naruto or any of its characters nor am I making any money off these writings.

**Warnings **– Bad language, boy on boy relationships in the carnal way….Smut, plain and simple.

**Beta'd** – Unfortunately this is not beta'd, all the mistakes are strictly my own and I hope that you can overlook them.

**AN **– _Hi there, still alive though it might not seem like it. I've had another surgery on my spine and it took me a while to get back but now I am and I'll get right back to writing…I hope. This is my entry for the Anti-Valentine's contest over at Y! It's also my first gift for Shadowphoenix143 because I love her and I missed her like a loon while she was away._

_Please enjoy._

**FOR SHADOWPHOENIX143!  
**

**My Snarky Valentine**.

Naruto sighed and resisted the urge to rub his eyes and scream as another glittery, pink and absolutely horrid looking Valentine's day card landed on his desk, followed by high pitched giggling. Why had he ever wanted to be a high school teacher? Oh yeah, he'd wanted to mold the young minds getting them ready for life as they were on the brink of adulthood…What a line of crap! He blamed Iruka, damn his foster father for making teaching seem worth wile.

Naruto resisted the urge to sigh again, he could swear that half the people in his class didn't have brains to begin with so therefore it was impossible to teach them anything at all. All that the boys in his class thought of was how to score pussy and tits and maybe, just maybe how to beat the newest video game out there. All that the girls seemed to think about was sadly…him. For the first time in his life Naruto could actually sympathize with how his own bastard must have had it back it high school. It was difficult being so wanted.

He turned his eyes bag to the pile of cards, candies and flowers on his desk and wanted to gag. Naruto liked candy, he liked bright colors and glitter could be fun if it was eatable and attached to the pale skin of his lover but this…this was an explosion in bad taste and commercialism. Naruto shuddered in disgust and tried to get back into focus to teach his little morons the English language so that some of them could actually write their own names as they graduated.

'_Holy crap in a bottle…WHAT. THE. HELL?'_ Naruto's eyes almost popped out of his head when they landed on the very big, very burly captain of the football team. The giant was winking at him…honest to God winking…and that wasn't even the most disturbing thing. The boy had obviously watched Indiana Jones one too many times because he had actually written _Luv_ on one eyelid and _U_ on the other. Fuck, it seemed as if his awesomeness and undeniable sexiness had spread to the boys now. Naruto shivered. This was creepy, disturbing, wrong…and funny as hell when you actually thought about it.

Naruto bit the inside of his cheek so that he wouldn't burst out laughing and scar this sensitive little jock for life. The school board usually frowned on such things.

With great difficulties Naruto put the winking boy-man out of his mind and finished his class, with cool detachment and suave. Hah he had been so emotionally closed off that he would have made the bastard proud. Naruto patted himself on the back for his awesome teaching skills.

Usually he really did love his brats and he hoped that they actually came away from his classes having really learnt something. Sometimes it just got to much though and V-Day simply made everything a hundred times worse. It was the day when every stalker and freak felt entitled to behave like the pervs they secretly were.

Naruto didn't understand the concept of Valentine's Day. If you loved someone you loved them every day…right? Not just one day out of the year. Still that wouldn't stop him from celebrating the day with his lover when nightfall came…they would celebrate it as they did with all greater Holidays…and the more obscure ones, by fucking like animals until neither of them could even move. It was a winning concept for both of them and so they saw no reason to change it.

Naruto wondered what surface they would chose this Holiday…they had already fucked on every inch of their apartment at least once, the kitchen table many more times than that. Something about fucking in the same room where the food was always made Naruto extra horny. He loved to eat and he loved to fuck…combining the two, what could be better than that? The thought of food, Sasuke and sex had little Naru reacting and Naruto crossed his legs awkwardly and waited for his erection to subside. He didn't want to make his students grow up to feel inadequate after seeing the glory that was little Naru after all.

It was with relief that Naruto waved goodbye to his students, standing behind his desk to guard himself from being pinched, hugged and dragged away to be molested by over amorous football captains. This was his last class of the day and once his students all had left he was finally free. Free to leave this glittery pink, perfume scented bubble that usually was a school and go home to the silent and uncluttered bliss of his home. Naruto swore to himself that he would never complain about Sasuke's sterile taste in decorating ever again…anything was better than this.

He had just packed his suitcase and was on his way out of the door when he was ambushed. Captain jock pushed his way inside the classroom before Naruto could leave and closed the door behind them.

"I know you've gotten a lot of roses and candy so I figured I'd give you something special…something unique." The poor boy stuttered out. Naruto felt torn as if he should pity him or punch him in the eye. He didn't have time for this shit, all Naruto wanted was to go home, take a shower and maybe fondle himself a bit. Hey, self love is a beautiful thing.

Suddenly the air felt thick and hard to breathe in. Naruto's eyes watered and the inside of his mouth and throat started to itch like crazy. Naruto started to realize what that unique something that jock-strap was holding behind his back was. His suspicions were confirmed when the boy pulled forwards a bouquet of purple lilacs…Of course this tool had to find the one flower Naruto was deathly allergic too.

"Eh…That's sbeet ob you but I'b allergic." Naruto huffed out between sneezes and a clogged up wind pipe. "Besides, I'b your teacher, gibe them to sobe other nice boy instead." Naruto pushed on the muscle mountain to get him to move. That fist to the eye sounded more and more tempting.

After much coaxing Naruto finally freed himself from the student who seemed to have grown about twenty arms, all ready for groping. At least he'd gotten out of there with only a small allergic shock and a bright purple hickey on his neck from where he hadn't been quick enough to dodge the little shit. Naruto hoped he had been able to convey is utter lack of interest to his student. The iaccidental/i elbow to the gut should be a huge hint. After the boy had regained his ability to breathe Naruto had sent him packing and told him to wash his love confession off of his eyelids before someone else actually took him up on it.

The sticky smell of lilacs was still stuck in his nose so Naruto fished out some paper in his pocket and blew his nose several times until he could actually get some air into his lungs again. Lilacs were the devils flowers and should be squashed and burned off from the surface of earth. The air was sweet and Naruto had never been so grateful that his working day was over. He hurried to his car, eager to get home. Naruto knew Sasuke was working late so he should have at least a couple of hours to himself before his lover got home. He loved Sasuke and he loved spending time with him but after this fucking horrible day it would be nice to get some alone time.

When he reached his car he almost broke down in tears. Fuck was nothing sacred anymore? Someone had covered his beloved orange and black Audi R8 in pink and read heart shaped confetti, the sticky kind that wouldn't come off. His baby now looked as if it had chicken pox. Naruto clenched his fists, fuck it all to hell…even Sasuke knew better than to touch his baby, she was the only female that actually turned him on. Teacher or not, if Naruto ever found out who had desecrated his orange darling they would be in for a world of pain, he was so upset that he might even consider asking Itachi for pointers on how to get rid of the bodies. It didn't matter that Sasuke continued to say that Itachi was a proper and legal business man, Naruto knew better, anyone as freaky and sadistic as Sasuke's older brother had to be in the murder business one way or the other and since he wasn't working for the law there weren't many options left.

Naruto petted his baby mournfully, cursing the tiny paper hearts that stuck to his skin as he did so and promised her that he'd get her clean and shiny again in the morning before he sat down behind the wheel and revved out of the parking lot. Right now he just wanted to get away from the school before anything else pink and glittery attacked him and get home to silence, solitude, shower, self gratification and ramen. Ah all that sounded like bliss. Naruto stepped on the gas.

**oo—oo—oo**

The heavy shoulder-bag filled with essays and lesson plans dropped to the floor in the hallway without a second glance. Naruto couldn't even stand to think about its content now that he was actually free and at home, he would worry about that later. Naruto had always been a great fan of procrastination. He toed off his shoes and hung his jacket on a hook before moving further into the dim apartment. It had never felt this good coming home before, nothing in the place smelt of perfume or candy and not a whisk of pink could be found anywhere and it was blissfully quiet. It was heaven.

He unbuttoned and pulled of his blue dress shirt on his way to the kitchen to grab a cold beer when something caught his eye. There was a lone figure sitting on their plush couch staring into the darkness. Naruto would have recognized that hair anywhere and he turned on his heel to approach his bastard with caution.

"What the hell are you doing at home now? And why are you sitting in the dark brooding like some emo vampire?" Naruto ignored the glare being sent his way, after all these years with Sasuke he was almost immune to them.

"There was an …incident at the office." Sasuke clipped out, his full beautiful mouth was drawn into a tight line and anger practically bled from his very pores. Naruto couldn't help but find it kind of hot. Sasuke was gorgeous all the time but an angry Sasuke was hot as hell…it was even better when that anger wasn't directed at him.

"An incident?" A golden eyebrow shot up as Naruto looked at Sasuke.

"Hn, I may have lost my temper and hit a client over the head with a bouquet of roses." A faint pink blush covered pale cheeks and Naruto found that he didn't mind the color so much when it graced the skin of his lover. "It was her fault though, clinging on me and pushing some stupid flowers in my face…I was just defending myself."

"Uh huh…" The other eyebrow rose too as Naruto tried desperately to keep from laughing. The image of cool, calm and collected Sasuke _'ice prince'_ Uchiha wailing on some poor woman with a bunch of roses was just priceless and Naruto sincerely hoped that the event had been caught by a security camera or two. Naruto would pay good money to see that.

"Apparently the company didn't see it that way and Itachi suggested…more like ordered me to take the rest of the day off while he tried to salvage the account." The last words were hissed out between clenched teeth.

"Aww baby, you were sent home to think about your behavior…practically grounded you were." Naruto couldn't stop the laughter from bubbling up this time. "And Itachi was sent to clean up your mess…I bet you that they'll never find the bodies."

"God dammit moron, I've told you a thousand times…Itachi is not a murderer." Sasuke growled.

"Keep telling yourself that if that's what makes you able to sleep at night." Naruto replied sagely as he walked closer to Sasuke. He stopped in front of his bastard and dropped to his knees, placing his hands on Sasuke's knees.

"But hey, this could be a good thing." He massaged Sasuke's knees and moved up his thighs, squeezing and rubbing. "I'm home, you're home, I'm already half naked…why not start our celebration early." Naruto's blue eyes glittered with want and mirth as he locked them on dark ones.

"Hn." Was Sasuke's only reply but he lifted his hands to bury them in soft blond strands and he pushed Naruto's face down until the blond nuzzled the bulge hidden by dark gray wool trousers.

"Mmmm." Naruto rubbed his cheek against the fabric of Sasuke's pants feeling the cock underneath swell and twitch. Sasuke's cock was amazing and as far as Naruto was concerned it should be named the eighth wonder of the world. He couldn't wait to touch and taste it. Just the thought of it made his own penis stand at attention.

Naruto nimbly unbuttoned and unzipped Sasuke's pants and pulled them down his thighs. Sasuke helped by raising himself up from the couch momentarily so that Naruto could get them down. Ah there it was… mouthwateringly thick and long, blood-filled, pulsating and deep red. It was a beautiful sight. Naruto licked his lips as he watched his favorite treat. Sasuke's Prince Albert glittered in the darkly lit room and Naruto was drawn to the piercing as if it was a magnet. The platinum ring looked good on Sasuke, complimenting his pale features and making his cock even more of a people pleaser…though Naruto was the only one allowed to enjoy it.

Naruto was glad that Sasuke's cock ring was platinum, the only thing golden that looked good on Sasuke was Naruto himself and that was how it was supposed to be. Naruto reached out and toyed with the piercing momentarily before bending down to nuzzle his nose in Sasuke's stomach. He followed Sasuke's inky black happy trail with his tongue and before veering off to lick the creases where Sasuke torso and thighs met. Naruto knew how sensitive Sasuke's skin was there and so the shuttering breath Sasuke let out as he twirled his tongue on pale flesh wasn't a surprise but it was still gratifying hearing it and the sound made Naruto grow harder.

He loved giving Sasuke pleasure, loved the power he had to make his stoic lover lose control. Loved that when everyone else saw Sasuke Uchiha, cold bastard and collected vice president of Uchiha Inc. he got to see the wild, sexy, pierced and completely human side of Sasuke…Naruto loved all sides of his lover but he was happy that this side was his alone to know about…Yes he was a possessive prick. Sasuke was his and he would feed anyone who thought differently to Itachi for him to play with. Hell he would even help the psycho hide the bodies.

Sasuke's hands tightened in his hair and he guided Naruto's mouth to the tip of his erection, clearly showing Naruto what he wanted him to do. Since Naruto longed to taste that cock himself he didn't put up a struggle but rather opened his mouth wide and swallowed Sasuke down.

The throaty groan that left Sasuke when he sucked his cock traveled right down to his own groin and his dark slacks suddenly felt painfully tight. With hurried and uncontrolled movements he opened his fly and fished out his own flushed cock while he continued to blow Sasuke. Naruto grabbed Sasuke's piercing between his teeth and pulled on it gently before releasing it and soothing the cock-head with quick laps of his tongue. All the while fisting his own cock and practically humping Sasuke's leg. The smell and taste of Sasuke was enough to make him lightheaded and so very horny. Naruto wasn't ashamed of his want, he knew that Sasuke was just as needy, just as wanton as he was.

Naruto hollowed out his cheeks and moaned as he continued to suck, relishing in the tangy and salty taste that hit his tongue. Sasuke shuddered and groaned, feeling Naruto's mouth on him. Naruto was the only one who could make him fall to pieces with just a smile or a look. Sasuke loved and craved him with his entire being. Without Naruto he would be nothing, and Naruto would be nothing without him.

That wicked mouth felt too good on him and Sasuke grabbed Naruto's head to push him away, he wanted to come inside Naruto's ass, not down his throat. Not this time even though that was an appealing thought. No this time he wanted to fuck Naruto blind before he came, it was their Holiday celebration after all.

Naruto's lips were swollen and red, glistening with saliva and precum. Sasuke didn't have a choice but to lean down and claim them. He kissed Naruto deeply; tangling his tongue with the other's and tasted himself. Fuck but Naruto made him taste good.

As he kissed Naruto and ran his hands over his face and neck he felt something that wasn't right. Sasuke tore his mouth away from Naruto's and looked at his neck.

"What the fuck is this?" Sasuke's eyes narrowed in on the big purple hickey on his idiot's neck.

Naruto's eyes were glazed over and he wanted the kissing and petting to continue. "It's nothing, just an overeager little boy. I've handled it." Naruto tried to pull Sasuke's face down towards his own again.

"Handled it by letting him suck on your neck?" Sasuke's eyes swirled with dark emotion. "Who was it?"

"It doesn't matter, just let it go, you're ruining the mood here." Naruto sighed.

"Who was it?!?" Sasuke's voice rose and he got up from the couch, dragging Naruto along with him as he rose. "No one is allowed to touch you but me."

"You have no need to go into a possessive huff, I didn't let him do anything. He was armed with lilacs but I took care of it. Little football captain won't touch me again." Naruto pressed against Sasuke. "You are the one I want and love, no one else."

Sasuke growled and pushed Naruto up against the living room wall, filing away the information that it was the football captain who had touched his sunshine for later when he could do something about it and bit down on Naruto's neck, covering the offensive hickey with one of his own. When he was satisfied with his handy work he lifted his head and looked into Naruto's eyes. "The next time he lays even a finger on you I _will_ cut them off, Itachi isn't the only one who can get rid of a body without a trace."

Fuck it! This kind of possessive bullshit shouldn't make him hot but it did. Naruto groaned and rubbed himself against Sasuke. His pants dropped further down his legs and he stepped out of them impatiently until he could feel Sasuke's naked and leaking cock against his own. He grabbed Sasuke's shirt and ripped it open, Naruto needed Sasuke to be as bare as he was, needed to feel Sasuke's skin against his own.

"If you don't stop jabbering and start to fuck me I will pin you down, bind and gag you and climb your cock on my own. I'll use you like a dildo and leave you lying there once I get off." Naruto hissed quietly in Sasuke's ear in between kisses and nips.

Sasuke's cock twitched since the idea of Naruto pinning him down and using him wasn't entirely unpleasant…in fact it was fucking hot. "Another time baby, this time I'm on top." Sasuke pushed Naruto harder into the wall.

"Then get on with it before we're too old to get it up." Naruto replied and bent down to catch a pink nipple between his teeth.

"Hn." Sasuke arched his back into Naruto's touch, the pleasure pain coursing through him, leaving him wanting more. "Lube?" His fingers gripped Naruto's hips, grounding his cock into the other.

"On the…Oh God yes…just like that…ahhh the shelf next to the TV." Naruto's head fell back against the wall. Sasuke knew just how to touch him to make it oh so good.

Sasuke grumbled but stepped away from his enticing and erotic lover to grab the bottle of lube. He came back to Naruto with a look of pure disgust on his face. "Really Naruto? Glittery lube?" He waved the container in front of Naruto's face.

Naruto chuckled. "I found it fitting, we should pay some kind of homage to the Holiday after all. Besides, your cock will look good covered in glitter…it'll make it pop so to speak."

Sasuke rolled his eyes but uncapped the lid and let the lube dribble onto his cock. "Oh it will pop alright, your tight ass always makes sure of that."

"Aww baby, your sweet words make me melt." Naruto continued to grin even as he grabbed Sasuke's shoulders and lifted himself up, wrapping his legs around Sasuke's waist. He felt Sasuke's cock slide between his butt-cheeks and he wanted more. Naruto's cock was so hard it poked him in the stomach, leaving smears of precum on caramel skin. "Now get to it and fuck me lover!"

"God you are demanding today." Sasuke placed his hands under Naruto's ass to get more leverage and slid his cock inside Naruto's ass.

It stung a bit but it still felt glorious, it always did when Sasuke filled him.

Sasuke eased into Naruto's tight body slowly, biting the inside of his cheek not to come too soon. The sensations were almost more than he could handle, but he concentrated hard on staving off his own release. Sex with Naruto was always mind-blowing but celebratory Holiday sex was off the scale.

"Fuck, you're so tight…How do you stay so tight? God knows we fuck plenty." Sasuke panted against Naruto's sweaty shoulder, stilling his movement when he felt his balls touch Naruto's golden colored ass-cheeks.

"It's a gift." Naruto groaned out, pushing back against Sasuke, trying to take him in deeper still.

Sasuke started to thrust, slowly at first but quickly picking up speed. His moron was too hot and too sexy to take it nice and slow. Besides Naruto always complained when their lovemaking was slow and gentle, Naruto liked it hard and fast, hot and sticky.

A burst of pleasure shot through Naruto when Sasuke's thick cock pressed against his prostate. It felt so fucking good.

"Yes," he gasped, arching up to find the angle that had felt so good a moment before.

Sasuke smirked as Naruto clawed on his shoulders and tightened around him. He pulled back and drove into Naruto again and again and again, trying to hit Naruto's gland with every thrust to make the other shudder and moan. Sweat run down both their bodies and the air was filled with the sound of skin slapping against skin and the heavy, heady smell of sex.

"Fuck, Sas. Fuck me harder!" Naruto shouted as he let go of Sasuke with one hand to fist his own cock and pump it in time with Sasuke's thrusts. "Mmmm yeah, so good."

Sasuke grunted in response, his body tense as he fought off his impending orgasm. He could feel the familiar gathering of heat in his belly, and he sped up his strokes, hoping to make Naruto cum before he came himself. "That's it darling, jerk that cock for me, fist it baby until you spray all over us."

"Sasuke…Fuck yes!" Naruto cried, pumping his hand faster until he tensed and released all over his fist and Sasuke's chest. Seeing his lover climax and feeling his muscles tighten around him, milking his cock so very deliciously always did him in. With a shout Sasuke lost his control and slammed into Naruto one last time, spilling his seed inside.

Sasuke's muscles turned to mush and he slid to the floor bringing Naruto with him. "Fuck Naruto one day you'll be the death of me." He panted as he stroked Naruto across his sweaty back.

"Pffft you know you love it." Naruto practically purred as he lay on top Sasuke. "Besides, I can think of plenty of worse things than going mid fuck…at least then you die happy." Naruto rolled off of Sasuke to lie beside him on the floor.

"The wall sex was a nice touch, it's been a while since we did that." Naruto petted Sasuke's hair lazily."

"Hn, I figured we needed to step it up for Valentines." Sasuke agreed and leaned into Naruto's touch. "You better not get any spunk in my hair." He added with a growl.

"You're such a romantic Sasuke." Naruto said and batted his lashes at his lover. "Besides, this is my spunk hand." He waved the sticky fingers of his other hand in front of Sasuke's face.

"Charming." Sasuke deadpanned.

"Okay lover, how about we shower and then move this celebration to the kitchen table. We haven't even tried the candy flavored lube yet." Naruto waggled his eyebrows at Sasuke.

"What is it with you and table sex? You're such a freak." Sasuke smiled though and laced his hands together behind Naruto's neck, bringing him down for a sweet kiss. "Happy Valentine's Day love."

"Mmmm, I like this celebration." Naruto purred. "Are you my snarky Valentine today Sasuke?"

"Everyday moron, every single day…"

**The End**.

_Thank you so much for reading, I hope you liked it._


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